Friday, December 4, 2009

Relationships.... what are they?

Life is busy. Time goes by too quickly, and before you know it you are looking backward over the years, wondering where it all went.

It has been said that your life can be measured by the quality of your relationships. I think that is true.

But with time being our most precious asset, why do we spend time on so many relationships that aren't quality?

I think it is important to take an inventory of the important relationships in your life. Just because they are important, doesn't make them quality. I'm going to say that again - just because they are important relationships, doesn't make them quality relationships. For example, a relationship with your father is important, but it is not quality if he is an abusive person.

A painful process to be sure, but can you take a honest look at these important relationships and determine whether they are worthy of your time and attention?

What is a quality relationship to me, maybe not be for you. But I do believe there are some basic truths. Do you trust them? Can you count on them? Are they reliable? Do they have integrity? Are they consistent? Are they honest? Are they kind hearted? Do you respect them? Do they exhibit respect for you and others? Can they accept you for who you are?

You can pick and choose what your basic truths are, heck you can even add your own. What is important to you? If you don't know, it's important you find out.

Relationships are a two way street, right? That means that each party has to want and value the relationship. Each party has to care about the other. Each party is willing to invest in the relationship. What if you have an important relationship that isn't a two way street? What do you do then?

Well, first you have to get honest with yourself, and second you have to get honest with the other person. It may be a relationship that you think should be important, but it really isn't that important to you. If that's the case - you can just let it go. Or it might be an important relationship to you, because it is an important relationship. In that case, you need to tell the other person how you feel.

Here's the scary part. You have to be willing to give these relationships up. You are only part of any relationship. If it is more important to you than the other person you need to let it go, so you can make room for a different, quality relationship.

You only have so much time and energy to expend on your relationships. You can't afford to cheat yourself by investing in a relationship that the other party doesn't value. If you find you have one sided relationships - like you only ever hear from that person when they need something, or you check in on them, but they never contact you - it's time to evaluate the situation.

It can be painful to face the reality that someone you love values the relationship differently than you. But it is what it is. You cannot make someone love you, take an interest in your life - it's free will. You can however, respect yourself enough to cherish and nuture those relationships in your life that are quality, and are mutually satisfying.

Life is short - so whether it is family or friend, it's time to trim the dead wood and embrace the new growth that will certainly emerge.

Enjoy - Marika Hamilton

1 comment:

  1. Good thinking Marika. Hard to do... but good advice.